Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I want to be your penis for a week.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
