We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
