She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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