i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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