tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
