I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
