Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
