Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
