Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
