There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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