if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
