She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
