What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
