Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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