??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
