you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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