well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
