just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
