***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
