This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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