I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
