my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
