Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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