It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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