Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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