Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just had sex on a roof
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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