Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
