I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
