Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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