My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
this hospital has no fireball
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
