This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
