So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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