she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
