i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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