3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
