dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
