this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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