he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
