What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
