Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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