a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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