can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
