Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
