an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
