And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
