At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
