new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
