we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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