I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
