oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
babies were throwing up all over the place
People in love make me want to vomit
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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