we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
